Know Your Asshole Footprint

I just came across this social-service feature in October's issue of Vanity Fair:

Regrettable, some American are simply not aware of how large an asshole footprint they leave on the planet. Here, Vanity Fair offers a questionnaire that will help such individuals determine the size and breadth of their footprint. If you answer "yes" to four or more of the questions for your age group, it is incumbent upon you to take urgent measures to reduce your asshole footprint.

1. Do you leave vitriolic comments in the "Comments" sections of blogs and web sites, even if you're commenting on something innocuous, such as an old Linkin Park video?

2. Are you convinced that it's only a matter of time before the world recognizes you as the next Andy Sambery?

3. Is your name Skylar, Taylor, Cat, Bryce, Morgan, Brandon, Braden, Hayden, Jaden or Brianna?

4. Do you work in an office with a Foosball or Ping-Pong table?

5. Do you run a T-shirt company that specializes in flimsy apparel that runs small and whose designs are essentially appropriations of old advertising and TV logos from the 1960 and 70s?

6. Before you go out bicycling, do you first change into a skintight spandex shirt with a gaudy pattern recalling a 1990s screen saver?

7. Do you refer to having young children as "doing the parent thing."

8. If you do indeed have young children, have you launched a blog, or, worse, a video blog, about raising them?

9. When you are being photgraphed, do you flash gang signs?

10. Have you or anyone in your close circle of friends written a roman a' clef about being a rich soicalite, working in publishing, working in film bonking the help, or any combination of the aforementioned circumstances?